It is dark, cannot see anything. It is very quiet, cannot hear anything. I am very afraid, dare I go back or forwards? Is it a black hole? Or is it a dark room? Sweat, on my forehead. I go slowly, feeling my way forward, with every step the thought of an endless fall. It is already dark for hours, no light in sight. Am I going forward? Or am I going in circles? I don`t know. There is nothing I can orientate myself by seeing, hearing or touching. There is nothing, only emptiness. I am alone, no one hears me scream, no one holds me tight and no one except me talks to me. I lie huddled together on the floor and listen to nothingness, staring into the void. I’m so cold and I’m alone with my fear. I do not know where I am and if I am at all. Is this nothing, this emptiness, am I in my soul? Or am I trapped in an endless abyss. Despair. I crawl on all fours through this darkness, trembling and crying softly. A nightmare? Or am I already dead? And even in death cannot find the light? I stop, listen to nothing, only my flat breath and my anxiously beating heart. Cold, I’m so cold. I start screaming in despair. It’s hot for me, sweat on my forehead and my body. I woke up, got in bed, a nightmare, right? No, it’s dark and I’m alone. Loneliness in me and emptiness. Where is the warmth of my love? Where is the scent of her skin and where is her hand holding me and where is the kiss from her that makes me feel alive? Where am I and what am I doing here? Why am I here anyway? Ask. Just do not fall asleep again and experience this dark nightmare! But even now that I am awake, only emptiness and nothingness. I’m alone.

© ewald apperle (Extract – Text Fragment, from my 2nd published book: Sea of ​​yearning)


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