in my head

In my head. Chaos in my mind, I have not slept all night just thinking. Tangled and confused all the pictures wrapped in dark black. The tick of a clock in time with the clock, the balance in me that drives me on. Blurry now, having a coffee all the thought of the night again, there was a dial phone and I dialed a number, could hear every dial tone and had a handset with cable in hand and ear. Today, today I think you press on the mobile phone on a name or picture and the next moment you are connected. Telephone numbers, addresses, appointments, events are stored and always ready by fingertip. Why this picture? These thoughts? I don`t know.
A kind of mathematical formula occupied me a lot, buzzed around in the head, a formula with the question of the x-RL, x-RL stands for time rest-life, the other three factors W+ Le + Lu, stand for working time, leisure and that included lucky time, just searched is x (RL). I’m not a calculating genius, but the factor that comes out for me is one that tells me my residual life is only a small part of the total time package in this world.
Maybe that’s why I’m sleeping badly, there is still too much work to do, and precious time for work and free time, and a bit of luck in between, until the rest of my life is there. RL is a small size …
One of the Cats, voices meowing that their bedtime is over and that it might be time to get some breakfast. A look at the LED display of my watch, it is only 5:30 and Actually Saturday, (free time). I’ll stay a little bit in bed!
Pictures in my head show me Susi, only yesterday we learned that Susi on 16 Oct. last year at the age of fifty-four years has left us. Three years after Harald, (Harald had been also fifty-four years old), our friends were both dead within three years. The rest of life zero comes to my mind once again. Are they back together now? I hope so! It is a consolation, this thought, that it is so.
Now even the second cat is annoying and annoying me with nudging and loud purring, directly into my ear.
OK! I get up, Saturday 06:15, anyway I still have so much to do, and the time is anyway so little …. Who did I Actually want to call with a dial phone? Or was it a call from the past?
So, cat care, but now have a nice coffee, it’s still dark outside and it’s snowing.
Winter time.
© ewald apperle

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