zombie of love,dead yet alive

So many thoughts in my head, so many words, disorderly, meaningless. No sentences can be formed from it, no questions and there are no answers. What and how to think, or not to think at all? It’s because there’s no time for this, just no time. Not, important, not at the moment and too difficult, that’s understandable. The thoughts are confused, how to escape from this chaos? I can feel my heart beating, physically I am, I’m alive, but in my head constant questions without answers, sleepless, helpless. The pain and fear of losing being there but not being there and not being needed by the person you love so much. Forget cries for help that go unheard, silent tears and fear and not being important. Yes, I work, more well than badly and you don’t notice much on the outside. Deep inside me, there is chaos, fear, and despair. Screams for love, for this love, in total darkness. It hurts, Damn` it hurts more than physical pain ever can. © ewald apperle


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